Yummy Mummy vs. Slummy Mummy

A few years ago, I read an article about a woman who felt that trying to be a “yummy mummy” was too difficult for her. She had resigned herself to the fact that she was, instead, a “slummy mummy.”

At the time, my 25-year-old fit, energetic and somewhat-put-together self could not really relate. My 29-year-old postpartum, exhausted, frizzy, and frumpy self, however, can.

You see, the yummy mummies are cute and sexy and stylish. They wear pointy-toed heels and neatly pressed (and matching!) clothing. I wear sneakers and I loathe ironing. I have also been known to pull something out of the laundry hamper and wear it again. Yes, I admit it.

Yummy mummies have perfectly blown out hair, nicely polished nails, and pretty lipstick. My hairstyle is what I call “the wet ponytail,” I haven’t worn nail polish in years, and…lipstick? Right. I’m lucky if I can find my chapstick.

Don’t get me wrong. I try not to be a total slob. I don’t wear sweatpants to the grocery store, I shower regularly, and I do slap on some mascara and blush before leaving the house (forget the “five-minute-face” – mine takes 30 seconds). I also make some effort to wear clothes that aren’t stained with mashed carrots.

But I envy the yummy mummy. I wish my hair wasn’t frizzy all the time and that I didn’t wear the same jeans every single day. (Seriously, every day.) I would like to look stylish, but I can’t afford much, and let’s just say I’m not naturally gifted in the style department.

Now that I have a baby, my laziness towards style is even worse. The effort of putting together an outfit (and no, jeans and a t-shirt is not an “outfit”), doing my nails, finding my lipstick, and blow-drying my hair is just too much, especially if my only outings that day are grocery shopping and the park. (That's the other problem -- I have nowhere to be. But that's another entry entirely.) Also, just one drop of moisture sends every polished strand of hair back into a frizz seizure, so what’s the point? I'm beginning to suspect that perfectly-coiffed yummy mummies must not sweat.

Yet, I really don’t want to be slummy. I am tired of looking tired, rumpled, and half-done. This past year has been all about my son, and I need to take a little time, just a little, to get myself back together.

I can’t afford designer labels and foil highlights and manicures, but that’s ok. All I want is nicely styled hair and some clean clothes that actually match. I would like to glance in the shop window and not cringe. Is that asking too much?

Because let’s be honest, the wet-ponytail-plus-lululemon-headband look can only take you so far, and the “new baby” excuse has expired. He’s almost one.

Time's up, Schmidt. Now get it together.