I pulled my son out of his home daycare this week. It was a tough decision, because now I have no guaranteed childcare for the fall and need to start searching all over again. But it had to be done.He was miserable, I was miserable, and every time I brought him there I just had this sinking feeling. He cried as soon we walked through the door, clinging to me for dear life. He sobbed when I picked him up.
I felt like my heart was ripping open every time I left him there. (Dramatic, I know, but I’m a dramatic person. Sorry.)
He was only there for a few hours, twice a week, and we couldn’t even handle that. What was going to happen when I needed to leave him there for two or three full days?
So we left. I had to pay for two weeks in lieu of notice, but that’s all right. I think we’re all happier now, and the whole episode reminded me that I really need to trust my first instinct. I knew right away that it wasn’t the right place for my son. There was nothing wrong with it, the care provider was very nice, and the other kids seemed happy. I just sensed that it wasn’t the right fit. But I brought him anyway, because it was inexpensive and flexible and convenient.
So where do we go from here? Well, for now we will enjoy the summer together. I sense many backyard pool play dates and trips to the beach coming on.
Maybe we’ll find a family that wants to share a nanny, or maybe we’ll find a small home daycare that fits. Quite likely, I’ll end up paying much more than I would for conventional daycare (it’s cheap here in Quebec!), but I’m all right with that. When you’re a parent, some sacrifices just need to be made.
Turns out that it doesn’t matter how cheap or convenient childcare might be. If it’s not right for your kid, you have to trust your gut.
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p.s. I'll write about the birthday and whole "first year" milestone next week. This was just on my mind today.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Rachel! Yes, trust your gut. You need to do what feels right for your child.
ReplyDeleteSomething I learned with my first child: Taking her to a babysitter while I worked part-time was fine when she was 3-9 months old. But later, between 1 and 2 years old, when I left her in the church nursery, she would cry when I went to pick her up.
At first, being a first-time mom, I thought it meant she was unhappy to see me, and didn't want to leave the nursery. The other women even made comments that I interpreted that way. "She was fine all morning! She only started crying when you came back!"
What I eventually learned through my reading was that a baby or child learns very early who he/she can trust to really care and to meet their needs, and will hold their true feelings in until they are safe with that person.
When a child is unhappy being left and is unhappy when picked up, and yet the caregiver says the child was fine while the parent was gone, it is often a case of the child being really unhappy but saving those feelings for Mommy/Daddy, who can be trusted to meet their needs. Sometimes, the caregiver really doesn't pay enough attention to meet the real needs of the child, and the child knows it is not safe to express their real feelings (i.e. by crying) because they are afraid, or have already learned, that their needs won't really be met by the caregiver. Sometimes, it is simply a case of not wanting to be away from Mommy/Daddy, which shows a good attachment. It is sometimes hard to tell the difference.